I bought a lottery ticket. It’s my only chance at getting a $17.4 million dollar beachfront villa in Barbados. Speaking of chances, I learned in a statistics class that my chance of winning the lottery is 1 in 18 million.
“So you’re telling me there’s a chance?”.
Name that movie.
I didn’t win. Didn’t even come close.
2. Going out to sushi twice in one day.
3. Getting a “Very good!” on a project from the boss.
4. Not feeling guilty about being lazy on this cloudy, drizzly Saturday.
5. Friends having baby boys. Congrats, Ladies!
I’ve been dying to share this with you all for a long time. I use Google Analytics for no reason really, but I do get a kick out of seeing how people get to my blog. Here are some of the bizarre words and phrases people have typed into a search engine that ultimately brought them to my blog.
episode he smells his armpits – perhaps this is referring to a Seinfeld or Friends episode?
sissy bra padded – Is this a new Victoria’s Secret bra I haven’t heard of?
deodorant bandit – OMG!? You mean I’m not the only one who was a victim of the Deodorant Bandit???
roommate “wet the bed” – Gross. Get a new roommate FAST!
pecan pie diarrhea – Oh my! Take some Pepto Bismol.
I’ll share more as they roll in.
Rizzle
I’ve been emailed by a few companies asking me to host contests using their products as the contest award. Thrilling, right? So I’ve replied to these people’s emails right away with interest and here’s the thing, they never respond.
One company was for a children’s computer game. I’d tell you the name, but then I’d be advertising for the company. I don’t want to advertise for a company that can’t even follow up on a request they sent! Another email I received was from a company that sells pots and pans. Not Pampered Chef or any other known brand. What do you know, they really weren’t that interested in being part of a contest on my blog anyway. Too weird.
Have you had any similar experiences?
Often I like to analyze things. For example, today as I wiggled my way through traffic to the mall, I was hoping the parking lot would be empty and the lines in the stores would be short. WRONG! I scratched my head and wondered if this so called recession has ended. Shouldn’t these herds of people be at home clipping coupons and wearing their clothing and shoes from last season? Then I thought about it more…what was I doing at the mall? Had my shopping habits changed from last year. Uhhhh, not really. Perhaps everyone else were only buying deeply discounted items like I was. And maybe all the people in back of me at Victorias Secret had a coupon for a free pair of underwear too. Then again who said you couldn’t go to the mall to window shop. I’m sure there was plenty of that going on too.
It’s 10:30 PM. I’ve just reminded myself I haven’t showered or brushed my teeth today. There wasn’t a fancy pool to lounge around nor was there a MahiMahi dinner tonight. Therefore, there was no reason to shower or brush my teeth. After just spending 9 days in paradise, it’s time to once again face reality.
Reality does not include fancy umbrella drinks with contents of macadamia nuts, vanilla ice cream and a title with “Monkey” in it. A walk down a hallway in reality is boring, cold walls, and hardly worth staring at. White, smooth stucco with a gecko running up the side of it is a hallway in paradise. The morning air in reality is brisk and cool. The morning air in paradise is warm, comforting and soft. It sweeps your cheek like a soft kiss from Angelina Jolie’s pillow lips.
The days in paradise do not include mortgage payments or cell phone bills. There aren’t boats with glass bottoms or fancy fish to float above all day long.
The food in reality is boring and bland. Oatmeal and ham sandwiches do not exist in paradise. Instead there are feasts of fish prepared hundreds of ways. Desserts that glow and fruits that glisten as the juice runs off your face and fingers.
There are no computers in paradise, except for the occasional peep on Facebook from my Palm. This was only in between a dip in the ocean and reapplying sunscreen of course. How ironic that reality contains a Palm. Certainly it’s nothing like the fancy palm trees that freckle the landscape of every corner.
Reality doesn’t have sunsets that attract hundreds in linen clothes and sandals with cameras of all shapes and sizes, snapping photos like paparazzi in pursuit of the best shot of Britney Spears.
Before I head off to brush my teeth and go to bed, I’ll sniff my wilting lei to remind me one last time of paradise.
Longing to be back in paradise,
Rizzle
Here are things that I’m currently diggin’.
Dark nail polish. This trend has been seen on nails and toes for quite sometime. I finally made my way to the drugstore and bought a bottle of Maybelline Express Finish in Mocha Blast. I’ve received much compliments on my nails. Who’d have thought a four dollar bottle of polish could provide such a confidence boost?
Crisp fall weather. Yes, I still miss summer, but the change of season is nostalgic. I’m diggin’ the changing color of the trees and was happy to get some rain last weekend.
Apples. Especially Fuji apples! Apples are such a good snack providing vitamin C and mucho fiber. Delicious and nutritious!
Johnson’s Softlotion in Melt Away Stress. What’s not to love about a lotion that melts your stress? The lotion absorbs quickly, has a really nice light scent and leaves your skin silky smooth.
Oprah. Okay, so I’ve always loved Oprah, but just recently I’ve realized that without fail her programs are great! She’s uncovered child molesters, provided financial advice during these hard times and interview the hottest celebrity’s. Why don’t we elect Oprah for President?
Now tell me what you’re diggin’ these days? I’m also looking for recommendations on the latest and greatest.
Is anyone else mourning the loss of Summer? I thought for sure I had another week or two before it was time to say goodbye, until I looked at my calendar and saw Mother Nature had other dates in mind.
Temperatures in these parts resembled those of hell on Sunday. Suddenly Monday it was cooler, breezier, crisper. Cravings for hot apple cider pang my belly. Clearly these are signs that its time to let go of my friend, Summer.
Goodbye juicy, sweet peaches. Goodbye watermelon running down my chin. Goodbye Strawberry stand with the creamiest, juiciest, most delicious, red, little strawberries with green hats on. Goodbye swimming pool. I will miss the scent of chlorine on my skin. Goodbye shorts, flip flops and sunscreen. Goodbye tanned skin. Goodbye warm nights and long days. Goodbye BBQ ribs and chicken. You’ll all be missed!
Goodbye, Summer!
Rizzle
…In the gas tank of my car, not in my pants. Have you noticed that gas prices dropped a bit? I have. I’ve spent this whole summer trying to lower my bills and conserve resources in an effort to balance out the rising cost of food and gas. Here are some efforts I’ve made to ease the tension on my pocket book.
1. Switched cell phone plans from $50 to $30 per month. I recommend you do the same. Call your cell phone company and tell them you are considering switching to a different carrier (you may want to have one in mind as well as the plan that they are “offering” you). Hopefully they will go out on a limb to keep you as a customer and offer you a lower package. You have nothing to lose, try this my friends.
2. Stopped grocery shopping. I’m now in starvation mode and my body is living off my excess fat storage. No, but really. I have drastically reduced my trips to the grocery store. I only go twice a month and load up only items from the perimeter of the store (dairy, bakery, produce and meat section). This has not only reduced my grocery bill by more than half, it’s also allowed me to eat healthier.
3. Conserve electricity and water. I’ve made an extra effort to turn off the computer when it’s not in use, reduce the amount of TV I watch and turn off lights when I leave a room. When brushing my teeth or washing my face, I turn off the faucet. A habit I’ve also made is to unplug things when they are not in use. Even if something is plugged into the wall and it is not on, it still drains energy and costs money. So unplug that TV, go outside and enjoy the sunlight.
4. Hit up the dollar store. You can find the random-est stuff there for only ONE DOLLAH’! I recently loaded up on hand soap, batteries and even gift wrap. The money I’ve saved on purchasing items from the dollar store versus say, Target, are huge. AND by avoiding Target, I automatically save about $75 because their isn’t a clothing or shoe department at the dollar store.
5. Traded in car insurance from the local State Farm office to esurance. The switch took literally moments. They don’t have the slogan of “Quote. Buy. Print” for no reason. It’s that easy. By switching from State Farm to esurance. I am now saving $42per month which is an annual savings of $506.04! Can you say shopping spree??? AND just to sell them a bit more…Kat Daddy’s buddy at work went through a claim with esurance recently with no problems. They even have a service where you can go online to see pictures of the progress on your vehicle in the unfortunate event that your car goes to the body shop for accident repairs.
It may seem like a lot of work to save some loot, but I highly recommend it. You’ll love the benefits of saving money. You may even drop some pounds and you’ll definitely gain some extra funds. You could use these to buy a smaller pair of pants. Now who wouldn’t want that?
I’m curious, what have you done to adjust to rising costs? Did you get a second job? Sell your first born? Have you not been affected by any of this? If this is you, kiss my big toe.
Your new financial advisor,
Rizzle
P.S. I credit items 1, 2, and 5 to Kat Daddy! Thanks for helping me save!
Every once in a while I go to the gym. The little gym I attended yesterday is, well, little. I walked by the entrance, peeked in to see who else was in the little gym and saw a man on the elliptical. I noticed he was staring at himself in the giant mirror that adorned the entire left side of the gym. I proceded to the locker room, put on my dyke’ey, PE teacher, red, running shorts and headed back to the gym.
As I reached for the handle on the door, I glanced in the small window and saw the man was still staring at himself. In an effort to try and save him embarrassment of me walking in and seeing him staring at himself, I tried to open the door loudly. I jiggled the handle a bit and rammed my knee into the door to make some extra noise. Unfortunately, the man had the music turned up on the $20 Wal-Mart boom box way too high for any worker-outer to be heard when entering. I could see from the corner of my eye that my presence had startled the guy. God forbid someone else come into the gym and break up the stare-a-thon he had going on with himself. Now I’m a little ticked…I freakin’ bruised my knee for no freakin’ reason. I climbed on a machine nearby and take a good hard look at the man who was so clearly impressed with the invention of the mirror. Then I began to wonder what the heck he was looking at so intently? Maybe he was examining his balding head and making plans to see a hair transplant doctor. Or maybe he was looking at how sweaty his shirt was. Gross! What if he thought he looked hot!? I couldn’t hold back, I had to tell him what was eating at my brain. So I told him, “Staring at yourself in the mirror will not make you look like a movie star. Believe me, I’ve tried it.” He looked at me to the right, and then turned to his left to see if his reflection heard what I said.
