I took notice to a man in the hallway at work today. He was drinking water from the drinking fountain. To me, drinking fountains are like phone booths – nobody uses them. With the abundance of water bottles and preference for many to drink purified water, it’s a surprise that there is still a market for water fountains. What really caught my eye wasn’t the sipping out of the fountain, it was the tissue stuck to the guys face from where he had obviously encountered a misfortune with his razor. Part of me wanted to make eye contact and point to his face giving him the heads up that he forgot to remove his make-shift band aid. Another part of me pictured him in a client meeting with a tiny ripped off corner of a Charmin toilet paper square absorbing the exude of blood, strategically placed on his face. The client would be trying to understand the point of the presentation given by this man, but wouldn’t be able to take his eyes off the wounded cheek. It would be similar to one of those moments when you are talking to someone with something giant and green in their teeth. Or when you are talking to someone with one eye that is crossed. You are trying to figure out which eye to look into to. Then you’re not sure if the person is even looking at you so you turn around to see what the person seems to be looking at. Not that this person can help their lazy eye. Well, maybe they could. I used to work for an optometrist and know that glasses and contact lenses can keep an eye straight. I’m sure there are surgeries too. Anyhow, because my latter thoughts were far more amusing than just helping the guy out, I walked right by. I am one of those people that would rather not embarrass a person by pointing something out like toilet paper stuck to their shoe or a giant booger that moves in and out of their nose depending on whether they were inhaling or exhaling. It’s just not my character to embarrass people. Except for family. They are always and exception.
I hope fountain drinking, Gillette has taken the tissue off his face by now.
Tissues Make Great Band Aids
15 AprMonday Blues
14 AprIs it only me, or is it just one of those Monday’s? Here’s how my day began.
A: It was so flippin’ hot last night and because my fan was on, I kept waking up at various, awful hours of the early morning.
B: I feel like a stuffed sausage in my pants…should have worn a larger pair.
C: On the way to work, I passed an awful car accident which involved a motorcycle and a body bag. Ugh.
I took some time to Google “Monday Morning Blues”. The search results brought me to an article on eHow, How to Beat the Monday Morning Blues. I also noticed the breadcrumbs to this link include “General Mental Illness”. Maybe I should Google “find psychiatrist”.
eHow’s guide to beating the Monday Blues.
Step 1:
If you can, sleep in an extra hour on Monday mornings. Going to bed early on Sunday night doesn’t always help because most people will remain awake until their usual bedtime.
Actually, I did sleep in a bit. Step 1 did not help.
Step 2:
If you can’t sleep in by a full hour (and most of us can’t), take action Sunday night to shorten your morning preparation time so that you can set the alarm for 15 minutes later than usual. Wash your hair, pack lunches, lay out your outfit or pack your briefcase on Sunday night.
I found my problem! I washed my hair today rather than last night!
Step 3:
Hop out of bed the moment you wake up on Monday morning. Lingering in that downy comforter will only draw out the agony.
Ooops, I suppose lying in bed thinking about how cozy my down comforter is and thinking about calling in sick did not help the situation.
Step 4:
End your shower with a jolt of cold water to tear yourself out of your grogginess. Or exercise in the morning to get your blood pumping and to release those feel-good endorphins.
I HATE cold showers. There is no way in hell I am about to jolt myself with freezing water. If I were to have exercised then step 1 and 2 would have never happened. These instructions are so contradictory.
Step 5:
Get out in the sunlight. Bright light tells your body that it is indeed the morning and helps reset your internal clock.
Considering it was cloudy and 25 degrees cooler today, there was no sunlight to help energize my internal clock.
Step 6:
Drink coffee or another caffeine beverage. Although it’s not healthy to drink caffeine to the point of addiction, caffeine, when used in moderation, can give your Monday mornings that much-needed oomph and alertness.
Ooops, I may already be addicted.
Step 7:
Anticipate your Monday morning on Friday afternoon. Fight the temptation to race away from a messy desk. Clean up your desk and leave yourself a to-do list to make Monday morning a little more tolerable.
Why the heck would I want to think about Monday morning on a Friday?! This is a horrible suggestion.
Shopping always makes me feel better. I’m going to buy myself a new shirt from somewhere online. How many more hours until Tuesday?!
Gore-JUS!
13 AprYes, that’s right. The weather in Cali is simply gore-jus! When it’s say nearly 90 degrees where I live, it’s sometimes a relief to drive to the beach to beat the heat. So I did just that. I went to the beach. The temperature was about 80 degrees with a very slight wind. The beach looked like a vibrant quilt with many colors and prints from the various umbrellas and beach towels spread about. Children mimicked little bulldozers as they played in the sand. Yachts cruised the calm ocean and families swam about. Surfers lay on their boards waiting for the next big wave. Today is gonna be another warm one and I can’t wait!
How to Land Your Next Job
9 AprI am dejectedly looking for a new job. The whole process can be fairly cumbersome. Let me give you an example. A few months back I was on the phone with a recruiter from a rather large, well known company. The recruiter was going over my resume and said, “I see you’ve been with your current company since January 2005 and you graduated from college in May 2005”. I responded, “I took an intercourse class during winter break because that was my only outstanding course before graduation”. I remember thinking in my head that something I had just said didn’t come out right. I quickly moved on and didn’t dwell on it because I had other things to cover.
Later that night when I was doing dishes, I blurted out with a “you are so stupid smile” on my face, “I am such an idiot! I used the word intercourse rather than intersession!!” Either I turned the recruiter on or he didn’t catch it because I did make it through for a round of interviews only to be beat by an internal candidate.
Hopefully I will never use the word INTERCOURSE out of context again, especially while trying to land a new job.
I’m So Perfect. Perfect, Perfect, Perfect…
8 AprA fellow blogger wrote a post about how some people are known to come off as perfect in their blogs; this reminded me of those people who write Christmas letters like this:
Hello Friends and Family,
It’s been an exciting year for the Jones family. We have been so blessed with a new job, home and car! Our children have accomplished so much, we are so proud of them.
Junior made the honor roll both semesters. He’s the star quarterback for the varsity team. He is also restoring a new 1968 mustang. Boy, our Junior is sure a busy high school senior!
Our little angel, Susie is in 9th grade this year. Talk about being in the right place at the right time! Susie saved a man from a burning building. We were so proud of her fearless heart.
Bob received a promotion and we decided to build a new 4,000 square foot home. We also outfitted our garage with a brand new suburban.
As for me, I’m still staying home raising our two wonderful children. I spend countless hours volunteering at the animal shelter and the old people’s home. I really love sharing my time with those in need.
Merry Christmas and Love,
The Jones
What the Jones’ forgot to mention is that Junior is gay and was beat up by the varsity football team. Susie is pregnant and smokes crack and the man she saved is her drug dealer and baby daddy. And how Bob really got his promotion…that’s x-rated and not for my reader’s innocent ears, but you get the point. And how about that Mrs. Jones. We all know she pissed away the families life savings from gambling online.
It’s really annoying how people fabricate their lives for fear of being normal or something.
I hope my blog displays all of my quirks, inablities, short-comings, etc. Believe me, I have plenty of them.
Must Clean House TODAY
2 AprTonight I’m having a few friends over for dinner and the house needs to be cleaned. I suppose I don’t have to clean, but when my friend’s baby is done scooting across my wood floors and has dust bunnies and pistachio shells on its hands and pants, they might not ever come back.
I know a few people in the cleaning biz that are going to stop by and help me out. You might know a few of them.
Dyson: This vacuum sure does suck! What can I say; I’m a sucker for the founder’s English accent. So long as the filter gets rinsed every so often, it isn’t half bad – still not worth 400 bucks though!
Swiffer Dusters: I was introduced to the Swiffer family when I used to help a SAHM clean her house. These dusters are A-Mazing! Couldn’t live with out ‘em.
Quickie Duster: This tall friend of mine is so helpful when it comes to spider webs in all the high places of my home. My skylight especially appreciates a Quickie.
Folex: When I worked for an optometrist I helped an ex-carpet cleaning business owner pick out glasses. Not sure how we got on the topic of carpet cleaning, but she recommended Folex. Folex is truly awesome. It’s one of those cleaners that will not attract dirt after it’s dried. It also works wonders on fabric car upholstery. Folex recently took care of an old, crusty Taco Bell Caramel Apple Empanada that had been mashed into the backseat of my car. How it got there is a story for another day.
Clorox Wipes: I believe my mom was one of the first Americans to buy these. She uses them on her wooden kitchen table, counter tops, glass, toilets, microwave, my nieces face and hands after a messy snack and when the baby wipes are out, she’ll use them on my nieces bum too. I use them on just about every non-porous surface. They are excellent for killing germs; well that’s what they say on the commercial anyway. Oh, and I’m just kidding about my mom using these wipes on my niece. She would never do that.
There they are. All of my tried and true, must have cleaning products. What are you favorites? I’m always looking for a better, quicker cleaning solution.
P.S. Feel free to stop by and help me clean. If you’re lucky, I may even let you touch my Dyson.
Go Ahead, Pay Less
2 AprOkay, okay. There is nothing wrong with Payless shoes. I think I insulted a reader or two with my previous post. However, I really think that Prada shoe looks like a “fashionable,” orthopedic shoe Payless would sell.
I did find some nice shoes at payless.com. Here are my Payless picks for this spring.
This is cute, eh? It comes in bronze too. Don’t run to your local Payless because this style if available online only.
And how about this sandal for the Tommy Bahama man in your life?
Excuse me while I go to Payless to pick up some kicks.
Peace – Rizzle
That’s from Payless Shoes, right?
1 AprI might be taking this a bit too far, but I couldn’t help but share with you what I found at Bluefly today. Not sure what you’re thinking… As for me, repulsion runs through my veins when I see this rubber, leather and Velcro combination by Prada. For only $209 you too could own a pair.
This website was sent to me, by my dad, simultaneously when I posted the Shoe blog. Ya see, this obsession with strange fashion runs in my blood.
